Am I the Only One?

Let me start off by saying this first and foremost: I LOVE MY SON TO DEATH. I would go to the moon and back for him. I would give up everything I am to spend my days with him. I love him more than I ever thought I would or could....

...And with that said, I have to be real. Sometimes he gets on my nerves. I admit it. When I know he's tired and cranky and I've tried time and time again to wind him down and soothe him to fall asleep but he won't give in to the Sand Man, but he proceeds to scream and cry and carry on in little tantrums because I need to shower or go to the bathroom or walk away for a second, it wracks my nerves to the point where I can't even look at him for the fear that I will instantly not like him anymore. And then I take a breath and try all over again only to end in his tears and my frustrations. I just don't get it.

And I feel like I've failed him. Like Mommy can't give him what he needs, or that I'm selfish for even trying to do such things like shower or get a drink or something in this time period. But it's a no win. He wants to be held. I hold him. He wants down. I put him down and he cries because he wants to be held. So I hold him again, but again he wiggles to get down. And so the tears come when I try to put him down and even get on the floor with him. Then the frustration builds between both of us to the point where I have to take my own time out and then he finally gets it- oh yeah, I've crossed the line of sanity and now Mommy is upset with me. He finally gives in and goes to sleep and then I need to breathe a sigh.

All the while the dog just watches, buries her little head in another room and waits for the peace to come...

When is Enough Enough??

So I'm going to rant a little today... so forgive me if I'm all over the place!

Why does money rule everything? Can't seem to ever make enough of it. Everytime you think that you have enough, something happens that you realize it's not.

How come everything we say we'll never do we do? I said I'd never be a nurse. I am now, and I love it! Friends say they won't live w/ anyone til they're married as my thinking as well, and lo and behold we all did!

What I believe pre anything always changes once the thing finally comes along. I figure I'll wanna go back to work w/o a hitch after the baby and I do w/o any problems, then he starts to get older and more fun and I wanna stay at home w/ him selfishly every day!

Friendships get tested and stretched over principal and isn't that why we became friends in the first place b/c we had that going for us?

And why does it cost so darn much to have someone take care of children? I get an email from a woman willing to consider being a babysitter to my son, but she wants to make more in one day than I do to watch him! So why would I work then?

When did being fair ever pay off? I figure what goes around comes around... but I'm still waiting my turn I guess.

Sorry for the downer post today.

What happened to vacation?

So I'm back...

... from vacation that is! We just got back from our yearly trip to Myrtle beach. This year we did 2 weeks instead of one and we had the most beautiful weather we've had in years! It was wonderful for not only us, but for the dog and the baby! He loved it!

And I realize that just because it's called 'vacation' doesn't mean it actually is one anymore now that I'm a Mom. I joke (but am serious) that he got 2 weeks away from his job, and I had to take mine along, but it's the truth! I had about 4-5 hours where I wasn't within ear shot, eye sight or being touched by the little guy! So now that we're home the only difference is that I'm on my own again w/ the "kids". And boy did they try to kindly remind me it's not that easy yesterday! The baby took a cranial dive off the bed while I was standing there folding laundry with him, the dog tried to choke on a ping pong ball and then the exact same ball got picked up and attempted to be shoved in the baby's mouth just seconds later! The routine somewhat was re-established, but just off enough that I had to be the enforcer, and we had laundry, cleaning up, unpacking, and groceries to get in addition! Phew! I was pooped!

So now I don't wanna go back to work! I don't work much, but I want my summer off. I know that sounds so bratty of me and selfish, but I want the summer to relax w/ the little ones and take walks, go to the pool, and just enjoy them. It's been go-go-go for my husband and I for so long that I wouldn't mind life slowing down just a bit to enjoy these hot hazy days. Ahh...